I felt broken most of my life. I thought I was irreparably broken for decades. I never thought I would feel or experience a sense of wholeness.
This feeling was deeply rooted in my old story, and my old story was developed or ‘written by’ other people, my experiences, and my pain.
That feeling of brokenness was a disconnection from myself. Parts or aspects of me were seemingly missing, which left me feeling un-whole, broken, and like I didn’t even know who I was/didn’t recognize myself. I felt this brokenness in multiple ways…that I was inherently, irreparably broken in my mind and spirit; and as my physical health spiraled into crisis, I felt physically broken, as well.
Studying energy, anatomy/physiology, body psychology, and quantum healing and practicing with it for more than a decade has really helped me understand my past experiences and feelings…working with clients for more than a decade with a curious observer’s mind has helped too…
Every aspect of you, of me, of every person…really, every living organism functions dynamically. Let’s keep this conversation more focused on people…every person is multi-aspected with a physical, mental, emotional, and energetic/soul body. Some may say there are even more aspects, but for the sake of not over-complicating things, let’s go with these four aspects.
You or I or anyone experiences the world via all four levels, not just one. We think and feel and interact on all levels. We are not just our physical sensations or our thoughts or our feelings, but all of these affect us on all levels dynamically. For example, a physical abuse or pain can affect our emotional/mental/energetic wellbeing. An emotional experience can cause physical symptoms, like actual physically felt heart ache or even just tears, which are quite a physical manifestation of emotions. What we think about ourselves or our place in the world can affect how we feel (aka our mood), as well as our physicality such as our posture…and we even have mental protections that dissociate under traumatic circumstances so that we may physically survive. These are just *SOME* of the ways you can identify the dynamic function of all aspects of a human being. There are so many other ways in which this occurs.
My theory of brokenness, or feeling broken, is that some or all of our aspects are disconnected or misaligned (some for of imbalance) that inhibits or cuts off communication and connection and, ultimately, dynamic function between all aspects of a person. When in alignment, there is a greater potential for a perception of wholeness and when out of alignment, a greater potential for a perception of brokenness.
Stay with me for a moment…important announcement: you are not at fault for this. There is no blame or shame or fault in feeling broken or having imbalance. These things are a result of your experiences…especially early experiences…much of which is outside of our control when things happen or even when we face circumstances that require us to make decisions involving survival, or even perceived threat of survival.
Feeling broken is a valid feeling. Even if others can see your wholeness, it is valid if you cannot. I am not going to tell you that you can and should just change your mind or your perception, because I know that is not actually possible. The very things that created a feeling and perception of brokenness or fragmentation of the self are the same things that created energetic, emotional, and neural pathways, which are both physical and biochemical and affect how you function, operate, process, perceive, recover and react/respond to your environment, relationships (including self), emotions, and everything in your life. That means it is very difficult to feel whole when your nervous system, your mind, your emotions, and your energy are all operating within those trauma/survival patterns without alignment, communication or synchronization…not impossible, but it is definitely a legitimate reason my you continue to feel broken in spite of trying to think or feel differently.
That is where integrative energy healing can help you – by addressing the underlying root causes of brokenness and facilitating the disruption of those patterns and pathways in your energy and in your nervous system.
Realistically, it is not likely a one and done easy peasy process. It will require practice and action on your end, too, and likely more than one session (how many depends on the person, but 3-4 is a good start). Bandaids, unless you support yourself with simple focused actions…just like most other things.