This is the second post in a series dedicated to helping you navigate your relationship with yourself in order to better identify and care for your needs, as well as discover what limiting beliefs, fears/emotions, rules, or conditioning are affecting your ability to love and accept yourself. This series will define what self-love really means, smash the idea that “you cannot love others until…”, clarify the far-reaching benefits of self-love, and provide simple actions you can take to nurture your relationship with Y-O-U. The series will end with a 10-day ‘self-love’ challenge…where I challenge you to join me for super-easy guided self-love action that begins and ends with a simple self-evaluation…I hope you will join me and invite your friends! What better time than right now is there to love yourself?!
I have both personal and professional experience on this topic of self-love. I personally experienced much of my teen and early adult life lacking self-worth, not accepting myself, and teetering on the edge of self-loathing. I have applied my professional training to myself in order to successfully shift my level of self-love, self-worth, and self-acceptance to a level of thriving; additionally, I have guided many clients along their journey to improve self-relationship. I hope you’ll join me for the series and ask questions along the way…and, please, invite a friend or loved one along for the journey, too! If you need help releasing the emotional energy holding you in a pattern of self-relationship that is limiting, uncomfortable, or making you feel stuck in some way…or if you need guidance/coaching to facilitate more self-love…you can schedule now or book a free 20 minute call to discover what is right for you.
*Oh, if you prefer watching video to reading blogs…scroll down to the end of this post*
Can you really love others if you don’t really love yourself?
It’s a valid question to ask… and it has been stated time and time again in a variety of ways, such as: “you can’t really love others until you love yourself” or “In order to love others, one must first love them self”, and other similar sayings…
However, I call bullshit.
These statement are riddled with shame, blame, guilt, and a heaping spoonful of “destination addiction”[which is when you apply the thinking that “when I love myself, then I can be loved”, or “when (x) happens, then I will (y)]…and even a side of ‘lack’ and ‘not good enough’. On the surface, it may resonate as wisdom; but when you dig into it…well, it comes up shy of objective truth. It may be your personal truth, or a valid feeling experienced in certain circumstances…
I don’t know about you, but I’m DONE being told that I’m not enough. I am enough…and so are you, even when we don’t feel like we’re enough and even when things are profoundly HUMAN, out of balance, and even when we lack self-love or worth. Humans have intrinsic worth just by being. Did you catch that? Let me say it again and a bit louder for those in the back who really need to hear this: You have worth simply because you exist…
Not because you did all the things or you did them perfectly…simply because you are you, you have value. We have experiences and feelings that may convince us otherwise in our extraordinary human lives…but still we have value, even when we cannot see it or believe it.
I’m striving to be my most authentic self each day, to separate my authentic story from the one that was written on and for me by my early experiences, my pain, or by other people and their pain…and I’m done with the notion that I have to be perfect in order to have value.
You can be done with that crap, too, if you want…it’s up to you. Wherever you are with the notion of being unable to love others until you love yourself, I get it…it is a journey, one that is highly unique to each person and I honor you right where you are…realistically, it will take time and commitment to action and yourSELF in order to rewrite the love story of yourself, one that very likely has previously been written by others…and you may need help (which you can get started on in the self-love challenge! Or you might need a bit more personalized help…that’s up to you…)
But I digress, so allow me to redirect back on topic…
You absolutely CAN love others even if you don’t love yourself. I personally spent decades of my life oscillating between ‘unworthy of love’ and self-loathing…until I healed my relationship with myself, which by the way, is NOT perfect – there are moments that I feel ‘meh’ about myself. Either my appearance, or my health, or my efforts/progress…occasionally those negative thoughts pop up, but now it is easier to recover and move on…during those worst self-relationship moments, I still loved deeply, expansively, conditionally, UNconditionally, modestly, passionately, friendly, loyally, and gratefully…
We absolutely CAN love others even when we can’t or don’t love ourselves…
That being said, there are benefits to loving yourself and nurturing self-relationship that can be experienced in your relationships with others, your daily interactions with others and in the world, your health and/or well-being, feeling connection, trust, and more…
In the next video we are going to discuss the benefits of self-love in your life and relationships sans guilt, shame, or expecting you to wait until you are a perfect human being (which I personally do not believe exists!) in order to experience love with others..
I hope you will join me, make sure you subscribe or follow me on Facebook so you don’t miss any posts! You’ll definitely want to join the 10-day Self-Love Challenge right here on FB starting Feb 17 to wrap up this series on Self-Love…but there will be several more posts/videos before then, so tune in and be sure to share with your friends and loved ones!
If you are looking for the video version of this post, Self Love #2: Can You Love Others if You Don’t Love You?, you can watch it here:
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