This is the first post in a series dedicated to helping you navigate your relationship with yourself in order to better identify and care for your needs, as well as discover what limiting beliefs, fears/emotions, rules, or conditioning are affecting your ability to love and accept yourself. This series will define what self-love really means, smash the idea that “you cannot love others until…”, clarify the far-reaching benefits of self-love, and provide simple actions you can take to nurture your relationship with Y-O-U. The series will end with a 10-day ‘self-love’ challenge…where I challenge you to join me for super-easy guided self-love action that begins and ends with a simple self-evaluation…I hope you will join me and invite your friends! What better time than right now is there to love yourself?!
I have both personal and professional experience on this topic of self-love. I personally experienced much of my teen and early adult life lacking self-worth, not accepting myself, and teetering on the edge of self-loathing. I have applied my professional training to myself in order to successfully shift my level of self-love, self-worth, and self-acceptance to a level of thriving; additionally, I have guided many clients along their journey to improve self-relationship. I hope you’ll join me for the series and ask questions along the way…and, please, invite a friend or loved one along for the journey, too! If you need help releasing the emotional energy holding you in a pattern of self-relationship that is limiting, uncomfortable, or making you feel stuck in some way…or if you need guidance/coaching to facilitate more self-love…you can schedule now or book a free 20 minute call to discover what is right for you.
*Oh, if you prefer watching video to reading blogs…scroll down to the end of this post*
What does it mean to love yourself?
February is a month associated with love, so today I want to talk about self love…more about self love than romantic love. This video is about defining self -relationship terms…What is self love? What’s the difference between self love, self esteem, self worth, and self acceptance?
Defining relative terms…
Self-love is regard for your own happiness and well-being
Self-esteem is confidence in your own worth or abilities
Self-worth is another term for self esteem
Self-acceptance is your satisfaction with yourself with a realistic understanding and awareness of your strengths and weaknesses
It is important to know the differences, because it provides clarity about how we see and define ourselves. That clarity allows us to identify which areas of self-relationship are in need of attention…for example, you may realize that you are confident in your worth or abilities; however, you look to others to provide you with happiness. Or, you may seek ways to provide your own happiness but have difficulty accepting a certain aspect of yourself, such as your weight, health, or ability. Knowing what’s what within your self-relationship provides you with an opportunity for healing, growth or reparation…whether or not you are able to navigate this process on your own or you need the help of a coach or therapist is up to the individual.
What Is Self-Love?
Self-love is taking time and action (emphasis on ACTION) to identify and tend to your needs in order to create happiness from within. When your needs are met, you are more likely to CHOOSE things that support, nurture, and sustain your well-being and happiness and more likely to LET GO OF things that do NOT support, nurture, or sustain your well-being…whether it be a person, environment, activity, etc. Self-love empowers you. Self-love fills you up from the inside out…meaning it fills you up in a way that spills over onto others and into the world…that is so far from being selfish, right?!
Self love enables you to show up in the world the way you truly desire…it supports you, fills you up from the inside, so that you can be present for others and in the world fully and without depleting yourself.
Self-love is really acknowledging your self-relationship…tending to yourself, nurturing yourself, and prioritizing yourself. This does NOT mean you ignore or step on others…it simply means you take time to identify your needs and set boundaries or limitations, practice self-care (which may mean that you go to bed when you’re tired, saying no when your plate is already full, or cancelling a night out when you are feeling drained…or it may mean yoga, eating healthy, meditation…self-care is an expansive, overused term that simply means ‘tending to your needs’)
What self love is NOT:
Self love is NOT selfish, narcissistic, or self-centered…some people associate self-love with selfishness or being self-centered…it is NOT. IT is absolutely the opposite when it is balanced. A balanced self-relationship means you prioritize yourself in terms of time, energy, and sustainability so you are better equipped to show up for others and in the world! It is essentially how to shift from surviving to thriving. As for narcissists, since I brought it up… in general, they do not love themselves, rather they portray a persona of self-importance…they use/manipulate others in order to fill themselves up because they LACK self love. Balanced self-love is nothing like this…it is SELF-LESS. If self-love is being used to manipulate, neglect, or inflict distress/discomfort…that is NOT self-love.
We’ve talked about self love and how that compares with other “self-” terms which I hope provides you with some clarity about where you are in terms of self-relationship…I’m happy to answer any questions or chat with you about your self-relationship needs – I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU, whether it be a question or a comment…so you are welcome to start a conversation with me in the comments!
In the next video, we are going to myth-bust the old saying “you can’t love others until you love yourself” because I am so done with blame/shame/guilt tactics…I hope you will join me in the next video when we discuss the REAL reasons self-love and self-relationship are important.
If you are looking for the video version of this post, Self Love #1: Defining Terms, you can watch it here: